I need help removing her.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just cropdusted the office
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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