I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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