we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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