Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
