So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
