had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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