it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
