Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize