As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
