Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
