I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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