I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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