real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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