I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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