drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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