My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize