woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize