Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
