Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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