He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
