just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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