I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
