It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
