Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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