Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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