If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
