can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Randomize
