i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
