Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
God, I missed his penis.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
