wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
