i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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