if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
