You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
