i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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