I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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