Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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