you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
