My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
