Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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