we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
