Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You can't special order awesome
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
