And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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