going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
