I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
