why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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