It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
