Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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