I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
