And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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