my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
