That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
