I hate all girls vehemently.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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