shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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