All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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