take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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