Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
