Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You've changed since you got that strap on
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
