Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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