i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
