I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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