loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it glows. i had to have it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
