: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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