where am i from again
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
