Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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