i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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