Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
