i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
