well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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