I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize