all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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