to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
