I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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