You made me cry and you don't even care
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
