How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
