So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
