sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
