i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
