Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
