I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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