I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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