I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
