I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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