Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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