I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
